What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
08.06.2025 01:47
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
He resisted the act ,that day.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
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He was dying to do it , i knew.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
She loved him until the end.
How do you go about getting invited to an orgy?
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I don,t even have a pension.
I could never make a relationship work though!
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It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
When she asked me how she looked .
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
But, we were locked up after school.
Especially a lifetime of it.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
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His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I was very sick at this time too.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
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One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
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But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
My life is so biszare .
What is the sluttiest thing your wife has ever done?
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Do girls ever miss their first love?
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
On the 31st of Jan this month .
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His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
But ive been too sick for many years..
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I said to her
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I have no regrets .
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
One cannot live in the past .
And i lived it daily.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Im still living with it.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
But it wasn’t much.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I will be 64.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
He knew the spot.
I was scared of men, in general
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Would this be the day?
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
They are buried together, in the same grave..
So whats the point in blame.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I had hoped to write a book about this .
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
We were not on the streets..
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I think the readers, may guess!
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
I was 9 years of age.
All the time i was locked up.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I never cut or harmed myself..
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
This is soul school!.
Put me off passion for life!!
Who then, do I blame.?
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Comes on , in middle age.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
She was in good health!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
As i do to all so called friends.?
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
We all went to grammer schools
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Was to survive, this bastard.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
She wouldn,t have been !
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
What did i know ?
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Why did i forgive my father ?
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
So, i spoilt her more .
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
She found it foreign!.
I waited trembling.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I was seconnd youngest,
My family never makes their pension either.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
It was going to be , some day.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Ive learnt so much.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
She married twice! .
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I write beautiful poetry .
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
(And it was in our own minds.)
I couldn’t, believe it.
The only rule us 5 kids had .